Personal Wedding Ceremony

by Susan
(East Lothian, Scotland)

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married in May 2010, 4 months after the birth of our first child. Rather than a registrar or minister marrying us we would like a close family friend (who is not affiliated to a religious body) to do it at a ruined castle (which doesn't have a civil licence) just outside our home town in East Lothian, Scotland. Is it possible? And what’s the best way to go about it?

Answer:

Congratulations on the baby!

Funny you should ask that question as this weekend I’m off to my sister-in-law’s wedding and they’re getting married in a ruined castle and their friend is doing the service, so it’s very similar to what you’re planning.

You can do it this way, but the ceremony at the castle which is unlicensed, will only be a ‘blessing’. You won’t actually be able to get married there. Instead, you’ll need to do this on a separate occasion in a licensed wedding venue by an official person.

My sister-in-law is doing the official, legal bit the day before in the local registry office with just the witnesses and their parents. They’ll be no confetti and no fancy clothes – so very plain and simple.

The following day is the big, proper ceremony with flowers, big white dress, etc. They’ll repeat the vows they wrote for each other at this ceremony and to them, this will be the proper day, although legally, they’ll already be married. For them, the Saturday at the castle is the big day, and for me, a guest it is too.

Recently, I attended a wedding abroad that was similar too. They had to do the legal bit in the UK, with a Humanist ceremony abroad. It felt just like the real thing – especially as the bride and groom didn’t tell anyone beforehand. There were plenty of tears too, so no one was any the wiser, except the bride and groom.

If you’re unsure about the process, speak to your local registrar. They’re usually very helpful and will guide you through all aspects of the legalities.

Best of luck